Representation of Self
Aug. 20th, 2007 03:02 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
wampus-cat.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
animal_quillsI can't say for certain exactly how much sense this will make to you guys just reading it without knowing exactly what goes on inside my head (I kind of rambled, so it's a bit unpolished), but I think I was able to make my thoughts clear enough. Hopefully. :P
I sat down and tried to think of some eloqent way to discuss how I see myself as an animal person, but it's proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. It's always been pretty vague- half of my therianthropic equation is still woefully undefined, though I feel I'm getting closer to pinning down an exact animal-, but I didn't realize how much so until I tried drawing my "inner me".
I guess I'm one of those people who doesn't always like to think about deep soulsearching things, especially when said things are still gray areas. I could sit all day and scibble and try to draw something that's profound and simply "me", but I have yet to come up with something that's spiritual or truly representative of my inner self. Sure, I've drawn "artistic", furry-like representations in which I've taken liberties with how "I" appear, but any time thus far that I've really tried to draw me in a "real" fashion, I draw blanks. Then I become frustrated, abandon the project and go back to sketching goofy things, like horses in straight-jackets and the like. I want to draw something better, more meaningful and representative of me, but I just can't right now.
I think it may be because I'm a bit of a vague person in general. Everything about how I represent myself is fuzzy, it seems- sexuality, gender, animality. That doesn't mean I don't know exactly who I am- I feel that I truly do know myself for the most part, and the stuff I'm still figuring out will reveal itself to me in time (like my "second animal")- i just have difficulty thinking of myself in that symbolic manner. Odd, since I'm a pretty spatial person, very in tune to my environment; but that's just how it is.
So I guess in summary I don't have a definite, concrete vision of who I am as a therian. I think of myself as a mountain lion-ungulate-human, and I'm okay eith that for now. Once I become confident in the missing peice to my therian puzzle, I'll try to draw that physical representation of me again. And hopefully, it will be real this time.
I sat down and tried to think of some eloqent way to discuss how I see myself as an animal person, but it's proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. It's always been pretty vague- half of my therianthropic equation is still woefully undefined, though I feel I'm getting closer to pinning down an exact animal-, but I didn't realize how much so until I tried drawing my "inner me".
I guess I'm one of those people who doesn't always like to think about deep soulsearching things, especially when said things are still gray areas. I could sit all day and scibble and try to draw something that's profound and simply "me", but I have yet to come up with something that's spiritual or truly representative of my inner self. Sure, I've drawn "artistic", furry-like representations in which I've taken liberties with how "I" appear, but any time thus far that I've really tried to draw me in a "real" fashion, I draw blanks. Then I become frustrated, abandon the project and go back to sketching goofy things, like horses in straight-jackets and the like. I want to draw something better, more meaningful and representative of me, but I just can't right now.
I think it may be because I'm a bit of a vague person in general. Everything about how I represent myself is fuzzy, it seems- sexuality, gender, animality. That doesn't mean I don't know exactly who I am- I feel that I truly do know myself for the most part, and the stuff I'm still figuring out will reveal itself to me in time (like my "second animal")- i just have difficulty thinking of myself in that symbolic manner. Odd, since I'm a pretty spatial person, very in tune to my environment; but that's just how it is.
So I guess in summary I don't have a definite, concrete vision of who I am as a therian. I think of myself as a mountain lion-ungulate-human, and I'm okay eith that for now. Once I become confident in the missing peice to my therian puzzle, I'll try to draw that physical representation of me again. And hopefully, it will be real this time.
