The idea is great. I said that already. I think the writing could be a lot more active, more powerful though. The multitude of connectors (either, then, and, etc) I think, can be left out and will allow for stronger parallelism.
I (personally) want to see more active verb use. "We see them" instead of "they are seen", and some phrases (the disclaimers especially) I think can be left out all together. "Now, I can not speak for anyone else, but I know that I, myself..." in the seventh paragraph I think can quietly be struck through and will leave a stronger paragraph, and not so nearly as long a sentence.
"Cannot" is one word.
Basic ideas. Over-all I like it, really, but I think it can be better.
no subject
The idea is great. I said that already. I think the writing could be a lot more active, more powerful though. The multitude of connectors (either, then, and, etc) I think, can be left out and will allow for stronger parallelism.
I (personally) want to see more active verb use. "We see them" instead of "they are seen", and some phrases (the disclaimers especially) I think can be left out all together. "Now, I can not speak for anyone else, but I know that I, myself..." in the seventh paragraph I think can quietly be struck through and will leave a stronger paragraph, and not so nearly as long a sentence.
"Cannot" is one word.
Basic ideas. Over-all I like it, really, but I think it can be better.